Day 4 – January 4, 2012
Those Theatre Blues
So overall today was pretty uneventful. I know what you’re thinking. If you read this yesterday then you are probably saying, “But Chelcy, didn’t you say that since you procrastinated yesterday, that today would be really productive?” Well, yes, reader, I did, in face, say that! However, didn’t happen. Hey, I’m still soaking in the positive part of being unemployed/down 1 of 2 jobs. I work on Friday so that will more than make up for it. I did get some bills settled up today and clean the kitchen so not all is lost. We also watched a few episodes of Prison Break. We are so close! I can feel it! I feel like the writing is actually picking up now that the series is almost over. As much as I am enjoying the ever-thickening plot and the repetitious unoriginal conflict, I am ready to kiss Prison Break goodbye. Maybe by the time we finish that, Psych, Glee and Once Upon a Time will be back on. I’m really not one for watching TV but I am hooked to those shows!
I had my first Cirque Fitness class today. It was amazing. It kicked my butt but in a good way! The way butts liked to be kicked. We did some stretching, flexibility, skill strengthening and a nice hearty circuit workout to top it all off. I am hoping to come out of this spring as a beast! I will have Cirque Fitness sandwiched in between two days of rehearsal (Tue-Thurs) and then Silks class on Sunday nights after a 1-5 rehearsal! I am ready. I was hoping to squeeze in a dance class this spring as well but I don’t see that fitting into the schedule.
I can’t wait to start rehearsal for Wild Party. I am having one of those days. Anyone pursuing a career in performing at all knows what kind of day I am talking about. The kind where you are just not sure why you spent so much time and money training for something you probably will never be good enough at to actually make a career out of it. I am hoping to get a little more confirmation once rehearsals start. I know that in order to not be miserable thought I must be honest with myself. If I really was cut out for this life of theatre, would I be only getting cast in ensemble roles in community theatre? I am not trying to be negative, but trying to actually take a step back and evaluate my life and the career decisions I need to make. I feel held back by a lack of a skill set that I should have well developed at this point but the fact of that matter is that I am just not there. I know I can do a lot of self inspired training and work toward my craft but there is a point where I need professional help. I thought that was what college was for but I still feel vastly unprepared. Then I reach the second thing that is holding me back and that is finances. It’s a huge catch 22. I need to hone my skill set to even have a fighting chance at being competitive in this career but in order to do that I need the money to take more classes. I lack both and I am not quite sure what to do about that. I feel like a lot of people that I trust to give a good answer to that question would say “Just make it happen. Make it a priority.” Well it is a priority, but living in a box in the street eating saltines so that I can take a dance class is a little extreme….Ok, I am exaggerating a bit but classes are so expensive! It’s also hard to justify spending more money on classes when the reason that I can’t afford them is because of the monthly payments I make on the loans that I used to pay for the 4 years of training that supposedly was supposed to prepare me for life in the “real world.” The whole thing is just a dirty, sticky web of catch 22s that make my head spin.
Unfortunately, the thing that triggers these “I’m quitting theatre” moods is one of my favorite pastimes: Youtube dates with Neil! We find the best videos of the most talented people and the least talented people that make us laugh so hard we cry (or have asthma attacks). Then my mind wanders after a few hours of this (yes hours, we are ridiculous) and I think “Why are these people so talented? Why am I not that talented? I’m never going to be that good. How am I ever going to compete with those people?” And thus, it begins. I get upset. I dwell on it. I mope. I feel sorry for myself, I think of solutions. I remember that solutions cost money. I mope some more. And now, apparently, I write a blog about it. But luckily I’m a stubborn fella’. I’m not giving up quite yet so I apologize for more whining about the same topic in the future. I am going into Wild Party with a fresh attitude and hoping that it will open new experiences, and ideas, and maybe even connections to get me to the next level!
Favorite Part of the Day: Starting Cirque Fit class
Least Favorite Part of the Day: Stressing about career
What I Learned: Jeanine Tesori wrote Violet…who knew!
What I am Thankful for: Having a people in my life that get me and get my humor
What I will do Differently Tomorrow: CLEAN!!!!
Song of the Day:
This song wasn’t in my head all day but it’s what I am taking away as inspiration.
Also, found this awesome rendition today!! I love Sho! She never ceases to blow me away!